Not sure really where to begin with this one. Life has given me a well-executed yet somewhat chaotically planned interruption. I can't say that I understand where it came from, but I can say that it is a very much welcomed interruption.
I wore a pendant from my ex-partner. He gave it to me as a symbol of his love for me. Recently, the pendant came to feel very oddly heavy around my neck, and pushing itself into my skin. It weighted on my chest, hurt me. It snapped the chain, and fell off. The next day, we broke up. I believe to a degree that the pendant was a symbol, or the albatross of that relationship. There were many, many things that were very wrong near the end. The pendant- which was supposed to represent love- actually held and represented the distrust, fear, lies, and deceit between all of us. I suppose it was logical for me to be the one to depart, and for once, I departed happily. The weight and pain was dismissed.
I am free.
My last blog was about being in a polyamorous relationship. I enjoy the idea of being able to freely love more than one. But here is the kicker: you can't just love one and expect the other two to cultivate a good relationship because they love you. People are people. They are creatures of needs, instincts, desires, wants, and habits. We like what we like, and dislike what we dislike. If two people don't like each other, is it smart to force them to get along for your sake? Not many people would willingly say yes. I have seen this come up frequently in Poly discussion groups, and I think where the intention is good, advising a primary with two partners that don't get along to either get along or find another relationship is a bad idea. It's not conducive to trust, communication and learning about not only each other, but ourselves.
Maybe some people are ok with this, but a majority of us do not like being told that if we don't do what we are told, then we could lose the very love we feel deep in our hearts. Love doesn't demand, nor does it control. Love doesn't rule using fear as a motivator. Fear of loss, fear of rejection, fear of being alone. Love is freedom, it's letting go and letting live in a way that makes us all happy. Love is being supportive, regardless of the situation. Love is putting your beloved and cherished ones before yourself.
I wore a pendant from my ex-partner. He gave it to me as a symbol of his love for me. Recently, the pendant came to feel very oddly heavy around my neck, and pushing itself into my skin. It weighted on my chest, hurt me. It snapped the chain, and fell off. The next day, we broke up. I believe to a degree that the pendant was a symbol, or the albatross of that relationship. There were many, many things that were very wrong near the end. The pendant- which was supposed to represent love- actually held and represented the distrust, fear, lies, and deceit between all of us. I suppose it was logical for me to be the one to depart, and for once, I departed happily. The weight and pain was dismissed.
I am free.
My last blog was about being in a polyamorous relationship. I enjoy the idea of being able to freely love more than one. But here is the kicker: you can't just love one and expect the other two to cultivate a good relationship because they love you. People are people. They are creatures of needs, instincts, desires, wants, and habits. We like what we like, and dislike what we dislike. If two people don't like each other, is it smart to force them to get along for your sake? Not many people would willingly say yes. I have seen this come up frequently in Poly discussion groups, and I think where the intention is good, advising a primary with two partners that don't get along to either get along or find another relationship is a bad idea. It's not conducive to trust, communication and learning about not only each other, but ourselves.
Maybe some people are ok with this, but a majority of us do not like being told that if we don't do what we are told, then we could lose the very love we feel deep in our hearts. Love doesn't demand, nor does it control. Love doesn't rule using fear as a motivator. Fear of loss, fear of rejection, fear of being alone. Love is freedom, it's letting go and letting live in a way that makes us all happy. Love is being supportive, regardless of the situation. Love is putting your beloved and cherished ones before yourself.
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