Ugh

I don't know where to start.

Doors I pryed open are closing again. Anguish, rage, hostility, all my old friends I had put aside in order to attempt to lead a normal human life are coming back. I feel the currents stirring in myself, and all I want is for them to stop.

I am wounded deeply, and do not know how to fix this. I do not wish to stop caring, stop loving, stop feeling. These things feel like a toxin, though. They bring me to agony. I cannot push them away, however, I do not know how to manage or work with them either. If I push them away, I also push away people who care for and love me. Again.

I need to sit in silence and let the Lord of Time guide my thoughts and actions, for I cannot do this alone.

Confident and confused

I wish things were easy. I would love to see what life is like through the eyes of those who can do things I can't . I can barely hold jobs -  even though I can go in, master the duties, and even find opportunities for efficient business restructure. I am not hired to do that. I step on toes, not even on purpose at that. I'm not wired to be a minion, this is the hard part.

I am in collaboration with two separate people for two separate and fantastic business ideas. One of the two doesn't seem to want to apply as much effort as necessary. The other one is contributing, but it will understandably take some time.

This is what I truly believe I am designed to do. Assist in the development of business opportunities.