What to think when you're all thought out.

Very busy day today. Too much stress. Too much "high priority" on low importance issues. Circle talk. Unclear answers.

It was a good day, and it was a bad day. Better yet, we shall define it as the "day that saw both ends of the spectrum equally". I couldn't laugh or cry. I could only sit there and squint shut my eyes, hoping to God it would all just finish and I could move on to tomorrow.

In all of that, I had my bright moonlight. The light that is embracing, gentle, and loving. Never judging, always supportive. He was there to help me muddle through. When I say that I love and adore him, really, I mean it. He kept me balanced and sane.

Now, after all is done and the sun has settled off the horizon, and snows blow in from the front, I can't help but think that in the great scheme of things, because I have love, I have everything.

I'm really trying. I swear.

Lots of things have been happening lately. Most of it has been work related. Every day, I arrive to 3-4 jobs to perform within an 8 hour day. If I'm lucky, I manage to do 1.25 of the 3-4 thanks to everyday drama, problems with whatever process that needs to be re-evaluated and changed to make drama-laden coworker happy. Oh, good. I have to train an unwilling soul on a system he knew 10 years ago. We all know how this ends. I've only been at the company 5 months, and am stronger at the systems as well as management and negotiations where other employees are concerned. Did I mention that I'm not a manager? Ok, I'll say it now then: I am not a manager.

We had an issue arise at work where the Warehouse Manager and the Tool Evaluator had a bizarre display of verbal and emotional hostility. I can usually take a few minutes, settle both of them down, then run off screaming at a different manager about something that wasn't done properly by another division teammate. (I am not a manager) Forgetting to remove my tool gloves, I rub my face in frustration, almost depositing shiny, near microscopic pieces of aluminum shard into my face as splinters. (this is a typical day)

Back to the hostility. WM and TE. I was not able to extinguish this fire. It was blazing hot and fast, and was about to spread to other employees. Shooing them out as quick as I could, I had to walk away with my hands raised. This was one I could not get involved in. Walk away, quickly, before you are sucked into it. I'm pretty certain I didn't walk, but sprinted as though I had just found a live nuke.

I go home sick, have a horrible weekend. Migraine, stress, all of it. Just lumped right onto my plate, and the pile just grows higher and higher. I get back to work today, and wind up being called into the site managers office to have a sit down, complete with my interpretation of what had occurred. Problem: I really enjoy working with both TE and WM. They are great. They really are. WM is one of the most supportive, enjoyable managers I have ever had the chance to work with, and I'd gladly work for him any day. TE is a vast pool of tool knowledge. If you knew what I did, you'd appreciate it. Regardless, he has taught me a ton where tools are concerned, as well as patience and being more gentle at work.

I love my job.
I'm exhausted though.

I'm going to be 41 soon. After reading all the stuff I tend to deal with, I think you can empathize with the exhaustion. I come home and just don't want to think, move, or deal with anything. I just want to text my sweetheart and talk about anything under the sun. I want to cuddle, be loved on.

I'm trying. I really am.